emotionexpressor

just realised i wrote too harsh, so i post it here…

fexpressor — Thu, 13 May 2010 10:32:47 +0000

i always had a blog that describe ppl in a better way. when i start to write this blog, i find it kinda harsh, so i post it here looo..
my sis say i have a lot of unreleased anger trapped in myself..maybe gua….bt for me, it is not anger, today, it is sth “sinis”…this is a good way to express myself..try my humor then…..

一考完试，本可宅爱裸男就直接在一个教友工作的cafe实习。刚开始的时候，她就讲说这间咖啡厅是基督化的。所以，我本人觉得很好，可行的。因为我也是有一个梦想,就是在诗巫开一间自己的cafe和event company。所以，这样类似的东西，会让我感到特别的有兴趣，高潮。。。哈哈。。过分了。不过，没有高潮啦。只是有一个人看到这里我就写了那两个字。哈哈。所以呢，我就决定了要在这里学习。因为，她也给了我很大的空间。让我自由发挥。想做什么就做什么。这里添，那里删都没问题。只要对咖啡厅好就好。一切好像都很完美。感谢主。

但是，刚开始工作，我就发现我太天真了。老板就是老板。一个老板都够你受了，还要有三个，不忘记我的经理也是一个人哟。四个人，但是，却又无比的信念，理想，看法，决定。现在再加上我这个好管闲事的裸男，情况就更“美好”了。

咖啡厅的设计真的没话说。我一进门，就是疑问。第一流？什么第一流？可能是食物，服务吧。食物吃过了，服务领教过了。甚至一度真的以为本少爷太少爷了，所以，推介了别人来。才发现，原来沙巴这么多少爷小姐的叻。我说啊，老板，食物真的应该改改了。不是说不好吃，只是一流在哪？创新在哪？独特在哪？特色在那？不要害羞叻，全部拿出来吓吓小民吧。态度也太少爷了吧。少爷不是要服侍人的，是被服侍的。器量好像有点可笑。动不动就看到这里一个脸部刚打完botox。又或者美白失败。哦，请原谅我，没失败，是喷黑喷得很成功。我说老板，我可不可以说脸黑的人请不要进来。不过，那。那。那，你不是也进不来？

刚工作，没什么经验，所以就问了朋友这里的设计怎样?原来朋友设计了几年都空了。帮高知名品牌设计的设计师原来是三流的。我看呀，D&G, LV 要另谋高就了。虽然，我的看法没朋友那么厉害。但，我有一些知道。不过，还是挨了一骂，说我做的太空了。老兄，给我时间，给我钱，我也能。这是我的借口。所以，老板，我接你用用吧。要不，说你也是设计的可要笑死我这无知的儿童了。

i might continue…bt not now…haha..more to come…

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“sorry” for being SENSITIVE about smell!!!!!!!!

fexpressor — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 16:37:12 +0000

when i first moved in this house, i was being told to be hygenic. i have to keep the house clean. they are all nice ppl. THey demand me to wash the plates, utensils and so on after use. They demand me to throw away the rubbish when it is full. Ok, i will do it! it is my pleasure to live in a clean and nice place.
However, fuck u all….
liars n dirty girls…
rubbish are here and there, loitering around the dustbin, some with packages and some without them. THen, you start to throw it on the sink!
There are all your fruits skin! fish bone! left over food!
please la, pig, can’t you girls throw it away? can’t you smell the rotten smell from your rubbish? or is it because you all live upstairs, so bad n vomitting smell is not in your concern?! I am sorry lo, for being so sensitive about smell! Well, That is a gift originally! but it turns to night mare with your rubbish and unclean stuff! you stupig girls! morron!!!
stove left unclean! sos is here and there! the floor is oily! if i didn’t show dark face and demand u al to close the door when u coook? what will be happening to my rooom??!! fuck u! please do pay more concern on others rather than going on with your own feeling!
today, it gets even worse! you let your friends to cook, which is supposed to be the nice thing in this world! but then!!!!! DID YOU ASK YOUR FREN TO CLEAN IT UP???????FUCK U! the crab and fish scales is juz outside my room! cant you smell it when you pass by?! MOROON!!!!!! Again, i am so SORRY for being sensitive about smell! but i cant just stand it! i used vinegar, i used bleach, it is still there! I DONT DARE TO TAKE THE THING UP! IT STINKS! CANT YOU GET IT??!!!!
it is good for u to enjoy the nice food….!! but do clean it up!
dont cause trouble to others!!!
i stil wan to sleep!!!!!!!
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what are you trying to tell me?

fexpressor — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:53:22 +0000

usually, i will wake up automatically around 7 sth or 8am. It is very seldom that i will wake up around 5 or 6 am. today, i was awake for several times by the alarm. (usually, i will not get to hear about the alarm) and i have a strong feeling in my heart that god wants me to wake up that early. However, after i prayed for him to tell me what he wants me to do, i received no reply. Maybe because i did not take the first steps to wake up. i continue my sleep. This kind of situation repeated like 4 times within the 1 hour. But then, now is 7.30am–usual time for me to wake up. the strong feeling of god wish to tell me something disappeared.
have u ever get to experience such things? i don’t know if i am sensitive or not. i kinda have quite a lot of such experiences. Everytime, i get the feeling like god wants me to do this and that (without reason). He seems like not wanting to tell me the reason. He just wants me to follow what he said and what he wanted me to do. Sometimes, the result will be like this. I did not do what i was urged to do and then there will be nothing happening. Sometime, i did. the outcome sometimes is fascinating but sometimes it is just ordinary stuff happening. Maybe because i did the wrong thing? i have no idea. i am still learning.

now, i am also wandering where is the place that he wanted me to go. as recently i received another phone call from wisma genting asking me if i am still wanting to intern at their place. Hmm..they want me to work at kl but i wish to go genting highland. i did make my request. It is depending on them whether wanting to give me or not. Then, there is another news that i am receiving. quite a lot of my coursemates are taking the offer. should i go? as i am not so interested to work with them…

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wisma genting

fexpressor — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:03:13 +0000

hmm…juz get a phone call from wisma genting asking me whether i am still interested in working with them. this time i said yeah. (still in finance department) however, they only give me rm 400 for 1 month. T.T..OT is rm 4 per hour. then no accommodation provided.how ? terrible also. they worked everyday from 8.30 till 6.30pm. friday until 5.30pm only. sat and sun is totally free. so i guess i can still catch some part time work on sat and sun to cover a bit for my transportation fees and accommodation fees right. Haiz..just in case i can get a nice and cheap one. Bt then, i also requuired to work at genting highland. if they cant get me any post, then i will be at KL..
so, do i have to apply for citigroup anymore?

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MIDTERM EXAM

fexpressor — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:57:25 +0000

juz had my mid term exam just now. as usual, i am so blank of it. seeing people cheating, i cant cheat. x being able to cheat also. seeing ppl discuss, i cant discuss. x having much friend or gang to discuss as well. I am always so lonely during exam. Walking in and out all by myself, without any discussion or talking to others. For me, if i know how to do, then i will do. If not, i will just leave early or sleep there until i was offered to leave. Life is like exam. you get ready for it all the time. If not, you will be eliminated by world. You cannot find your way to fit in anymore once you are out. Just like exam, if you failed this one, you need to repeat and you are no longer the same as your now-colleague. In life, you are categorised as certain kind of group, maybe loser. JUST AN EXAMPLE…
but, who cares about exam. Who cares about life? We just need to be ourselves. AT least i m. even i am loser, i am enjoying it. being happier than others. (is this self comfort? MIGHT).. well, who will ever reject to be in a better stage if he can?

lastly, just want to say that i am in a balance mode. Happy and unhappy is at an equal state. bdw, they lie just beside a thin line…lol
enjoy ur life to max..
i am finding…

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WAITER

fexpressor — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 15:44:05 +0000

Today, i was called for the interview for the job that i mentioned on my previous post. Well, actually they are hiring me as waiter instead of captain or supervisor. They offered me RM 800 as my probation salary in KK, for 3 months of course. Then, they said that they are going to increase the salary after probation period. How much can they increase? RM200?
Hello…that is nothing much difference with my pocket money! I am a fresh graduate and then they are hiring a fresh graduate to help them in their service line? They want me to learn how to serve customer, how to shake water and so on. Hello, you can always hire a PMR students or any other person who doesn’t undergo a degree programme to complete your task. He told me that he has one kitchen helper who managed to learn all the things in their restaurant. NOT the one in kk, of course. Then, i would like to ask how much is the salary for his kitchen helper now? Is he an undergraduate? Apparently, he is not! so, he can learn it as well. Then you are welcomed to hire him but not me! They only reason i am interested is that this is a new business, so called new la. I just discoverd that the partner are businessmen. That’s why they are thinking from their perspective. Getting the best worker for the lowest price. They are not treating me as a graduate. I am rather a cheap worker to them….
how?
nw?
should i go for this job?
as i am scared that i cannot get other job. How?
pls tell me..

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show you my heart

fexpressor — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 06:15:34 +0000

since last sem, i sensed dissatisfaction of you in me. I tried to ignore it. I have no idea from where you get such impression of me? Did you really experience such bad image of mine? or it is just an expression from others which influenced you to be so? if my senses are correct, it is the influenced by others. But you are not there when i am acting the bad person to them. In other things, i am a manager. We need to have some principal to follow. Now i am learning to be leader to those people. Everyone are just following what they feel and what they see. but they are blinded by this. I am more than that. Maybe you cannot see it as you did not see it thoroughly. Things are more than picture. But inner heart. Small things really matters. If you are observant enough, you will see how much i had done instead of saying i am doing nothing at all. What you do might be a good thing in people’s eyes. i do appreciate it. However, you had your bad times. I am not looking at your bad sides. Why are you looking at mine? judging at mine? Shouldn’t it be us learning all things together? Shouldn’t we grow up better. You always says i am busy. Yeah. I am busy, busying on things that i should. You said i am doing it without my heart? Well,i tell you, i do. But why cant you all see it? Please, instead of judging, do comment and teach. People will listen. Might. As you might listen to what i said. There are a lot of things that i don’t agree with you but i say nothing. I try to choose careful words for you. But did you realised that? I wander.
Ok. maybe i am not perfect. But i am willing to take your words and try to fit in me. I will try to be a better self… However, to you, i have no comment. You can be your own perfect person.

p/s: this is written to one of the person that i am working (serving) with.

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job

fexpressor — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:41:12 +0000

today, i just realised how happy you will get when you are offered a job before you graduate. It means that i am still having certain capabilities that this world wants. My value is still there. It has been in my prayer that one of the sisters in christ asked me to work with her in her opening soon restaurant. I love such kind of job where there is going to be services, talking, sharing, event organizing, management and so on. We had been chatting on such things before this and then i secretly prayed to the Lord that if she asked me to work with her, i will go. And now, the prayer is being answered. However, it is slightly different. Still remembered that i said i will only stay in KK for 2 reason? MONEY OR GOD? hmm..the money part is not that suitable, i guess. She said for the three month probation period, my salary is less than RM1000. Then, if i am comfirmed to be her staff, as a captain managing her restaurant, then my salary will become over RM1000. Well, i do expect that salary in KK is quite low but not this low as a fresh graduate. I hope of at least RM 2000 or more, especailly if we are working from 10 to 10. Such low salary is only suitable to be in SIBU. (but sibu company rejected me long ago). How am i going to survive with only thousand plus salary? not forgetting that i have no transport. and working at such position doesn’t allow me to have time for my french lesson, violin lesson which i hope to be having after i graduate.
Hmm..
but then the good thing of her restaurant is that it is closed for sunday. where to get such company/ (well, i don’t mean a 9 – 5 work) if i am working a 9 – 5 work, i would have time to add some value to myself. i can still go for my lessons, gyms and so on. i still have a lot of free time.
even though i am happy that i was offered such job, but it is still under consideration. so, basically, i am still waiting for other company to accept me with a more optimistic salary.
bless me
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不舍还是不想负责任？

fexpressor — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:55:27 +0000

tomorrow..no..today…or rather later is the time for me to leave sibu. my sis had just board her bus, most probably on the way going to kuching, then flying back to singapore. I, on the other way, will have to board my plane at 11am later, flying back to kota kinabalu, back to my uni.
however, there are still tonnes and tonnes of things that is undone. I have not done my thesis. i have not finish my assignment. i have not type apologize letter to my prof. i have not plan for my outfit for dinner. i have not write my script for dinner. i have not plan for my cell group. i have not remind kaixin for her praise and worship leading. Lots and lots of have-not-do stuff coming into my mind now.
then, i am worried. i thought of not wanting to go back to kk. i thought of not wanting to continue my study. study for me is hell. (reason for myself is that this is not what i like..but rather i do realised that i had been giving myself out). i wish that i disappear from this place and live a life that i want. But what is a life that i want? Is it what jesus want? we know a lot of ways to motivate ourselves in solving all problems but we (especially me) are not willing to take responsibility. we wish that our lives are easy. We don’t have to work hard and things still run smoothly. but in reality, that is not what life is. Life is difficult.
i cannot handle such pressure of not able to settle things smoothly. If i continue to be like this, how am i suppose to handle my study? my job? my life? give me strength…
actually, i wished to write that i am not willing to leave sibu as i loved it so much. but i am too sure that it is not true. i loved myself more that i am too lazy to carry my own job, wishing that things are done by others everytime. I NED TO CHANGE!!! i have to learn to do my own stuff. god, pls give me strength and energy and wisdom and intelligence…

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photos`

fexpressor — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 22:57:23 +0000

photos tell us a lot of things. they expose our lives, our friends’ and anyone that you want to know. i woke up after small accident happens to me. hihi.cant tell what. lol..hence, i am here, v my facebook on, watching others on-going through their pictures. i get to see my used-to-be good friend’s girl friend. both seemed to be shy couple. but then i bet they are sweet as well. i love my friend here. (everyone love him…lol..but clarify, i am not gay kind like him….lol ) he is so cute that he always turns red whenever girls stay closer to him or touched him back in secondary school. then, his gang( and me . n teachers ) always play around with such issues. i bet quite some will be surprised as me when we get to know that he is having a girl friend here. what kind of power changed him so? lolz…who else except jesus. he is now also a member of christ family. there is no need for him to be shy anymore. we should be brave with our faith and everything. that is what we are being taught. good job dude. may god bless you and your couple. xixi..

then, i noticed another not so closed friend of mine writting something like he is keeping his heart for a girl. wow. tat is a good thing. i bet rumous about he is a gay should stop now. haha… hmm..he is quite handsome la…OK OK..he is a lot more than just quite..lol…when i heard news about him, it is it that he is a gay. i am quite shocked as he is one of my church member. but then luckily he is not. (from observation).. and he seemed to be quite a nice guy. way to go dude. gambateh with your lovely one. so happy for you. hmm. a little secret here. don’t tell him. (you won’t know who is he, so nvmd…hahaah)… at first, i disliked him but then i found that he is same as me, we love god more than we think. quote from him is that ” i am a full time worshipper and part time student”..i like that, really. hmm..love that phrase. isn’t it wonderful? what is more important in our life than god? he managed to do it. wish that he will be so for his whole life. so am i. HOPE SO…

who else, a lot more, my old classmates, ns friends, good friends, best friends, just friends, lot n lot to go. but i am lazy to write it out d…haha….lolz… feeling sleepy again… c ya..

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